Heart-to-heart Conversations

Having heart to heart conversations can be tricky as it may entail catching people off guard. Having a heart to heart conversation means you will be expressing and receiving personal preferences and experiences and in the best case scenario reflect on what makes you happy as a person and your own personal boundaries as well.

Reasons to have a heart to heart conversation

As humans we live as part of a larger society that we serve and which ideally serves and motivates us back. We are a race that requires healthy relationships. This is evident in all aspects of life from building relationships in school or university, as an educator or teacher, to work-life as a colleague or the superior.

Having a heart to heart conversation for building a friendship lets you familiarise and be aware of each others wants and needs as a friend. Some need a friend to just listen to them rant, some need a person’s guidance and advice, some just need a hug.

As an educator, you may have heard many stories of how they have changed the lives of many for the better. Think about it, did you have a teacher in your past that made such an impact on you that you think about them even today? If you are an educator or teacher, you have the power to make or break a student at a certain point. If you see a student that you know has the potential to do better but watch them slack on attendance or attention, you should probably take that step to sit them down and have a heart to heart conversation. Sometimes, in our lives, we get distracted by our personal lives which are not always stable and smooth sailing and this can get in the way of our studies and work. We must realise and remember that these things affect the rest of our lives. As a teacher, your students will have the natural respect for you and will listen and consider everything you tell them. This should be taken as an honour and responsibility and we suggest for you to take up that responsibility with care and patience.

For adults in the working world, you need to have heart to heart with your colleagues since you work and spend most of your days as an adult with them in the office. You need to know how to communicate and deal with each other so that work is efficient and effective. Likewise for a boss, you need to know what makes your staff happy and what they need as individuals. If they have an ill family member, or children they need to run out of the office to pick up for example. We all have our personal lives to attend to. Similarly as an employee, you need to have the heart to heart conversation with your boss so that you also know what they expect from you, what they need from you, what makes them feel good at the office and so on.

How to start a heart to heart conversation

Before you sit someone down for a heart to heart conversation, you must first ensure they are open to it. The best way to ensure this is by directly asking them if they have time for a talk. Let them know the talk is for better mutual understanding. Here are a few ways to start a heart to heart conversation:

1. Do you have time later today to discuss your personal matters and work?

2. Let me know if you want advice on…

3. Let me know if you want to take this conversation further…

4. Do you want to talk about it?

5. Do you have something you want to tell me?

How to ask personal questions

Having a heart to heart conversation means you will need to ask personal questions which may make people feel uneasy. How successful you will be could all depend on how you ask so here are some tips for you to use:

1. I really hope you don’t mind me asking, but do you have…

2. I went through something bad and I wonder if you went through something similar.

3. If this is challenging, let’s discuss how to go about it. Did you ever…

How to end a heart to heart conversation

After someone lets you in on something personal, you want to make sure they feel safe. Here are some tips on how to end a heart to heart conversation.

1. Thank you for letting me in on something personal…

2. I want you to know that everything we discuss here will stay here.

3. I appreciate this talk and you entrusting me.

4. Thank you for sharing and I feel great speaking to you.

5. Hope we can work better together somemore