How To Battle Shyness In Public Speaking

How To Battle Shyness In Public Speaking

Now, I am a pubic speaking coach but even for me it was not easy and i think pubic speaking is not easy for many of us as we were in comfort zone as a kids . I remember when it all began. I was sixteen years old, and it was in English class. At this time, I lived in Dubai, a city of multiple nationalities, and where I spent most of my childhood. I was a very talkative child, always bold enough to give my opinions, arguing, and basically – noisy. I felt comfortable in my own skin and free around the people I love. Through my consultation with parents, one of the most common conversations is how one child can be so talkative at home, but extremely shy and quite in social gatherings.

I was that child.

In school, I was reserved, quiet and I felt – segan (pronounciation: suh-gan). Which caused me to feel depressed and angry most of the time. I did not know how to deal with the mess in mind, that led me to multiple mood swings and irrational behaviour towards my loved ones. I’m sure these behaviours seems familiar.

Segan, the word of many things, but has no English translation

Let me try to explain the word as I know it.

To feel segan is a powerful feeling. The dictionary will translate it as shy, but there is more to the word than just shyness – it involves tremendous amount of humbleness, respect for elders and leaders, and discomfort. The word is perhaps best capture as in a letter written in 1955 by Boyd R. Compton to the Institute of Current World Affairs, New York :

“I first learned to use segan two years ago, while I was auditing courses at the University of Indonesia in Djakarta. My language teacher had wanted me to pay him for the past week’s lessons, but he wouldn’t come out with a direct request for the money. I finally sensed his embarrassment, put the money in an envelope, and slipped it to him as unobtrusively as possible. He said he was segan to receive payment, because he wanted to give me lessons out of friendship.”

A few more examples of how it can be used:I am too segan to ask the waiter to return my food (as this might offend the chef)

  • I am too segan to ask questions to the speakers on stage (as it might be a stupid question).

When anyone uses the word segan, realise that the thought process is overwhelming for the user - and is not meant to hurt anyone.

 I remember coming back to Malaysia for university, and many of the national students did not want to speak to me, because I spoke mostly English. Normally, I felt excluded, and naturally, made friends with students who spoke English and come from an expat background. Until 2nd year in the programme, of being in the same art studio with peers, when I finally understood what created the barrier - it was the segan issue from both parties. Most of them were segan to speak back to me in English, and I was segan to speak in Bahasa Melayu.

After trying my best to speak it, with my terrible Utara accent, the rest was history. 

And now we remain friends and business allies.

It's funny how something so simple can stop us from integrating - now imagine if we all live by being segan. Yes, it is harmless in the beginning, but it prevents you from achieving the best of any situation, and that is damaging long-term. Like in high school, I was too uncomfortable to participate - which prevented me to learn effectively.

It can stop you from pursuing in your dream job, love and many other things that result to your happiness.

How To Battle Shyness Or Feeling "Segan" in Public Speaking

How I conquered being Segan or Shy, and started to learn to speak confidently

Amongst other kids, who (I thought) were far smarter and more confident than me, I felt I had no space to speak. I didn’t have the confidence to be free. Don't be mistaken - I wasn't afraid of the other kids, nor the teachers, I just felt, reserved, and uncomfortable. Until one day, my English Teacher asked me to come up front and read a poem. It was a short one about the moon and darkness. And because I empathized with the writing, I miraculously read it loud, using the right tone, play of words – it was like I was in a play. Her only comment to me was “wow Siti, I didn’t know you had a hidden talent”.

The happiness I felt was indescribable, not because I was given a compliment, but because from then on, my mind-set changed and my public speaking skills improved drastically. 

Challenge Yourself, and Join Courses or Competitions

I went on to participate in the Toastmaster competition winning, taking part in performances, talent shows (winning again) in singing and dancing. Having entered university with confidence, I studied design– and of course presenting was my favourite part of the cycle. For at that point I knew I was good at it.

I was challenging myself, realising my potential, realising what else I could do.

This was proof to me, that experience defeats many things.

Alas since then, my life has been a cluster of trying, testing, trial and error. Each time I try something new, I discover a new talent and a new love for myself. This is in part my inspiration behind Pursuka – to provide others this same learning experience through unique events, to find love with yourself.

I have a few more things I'm segan of, like doing sports, and well, romance. But I have faith that can be worked on.

Communication skill is a skill to learn, not inherited. There’s no excuse!

Without the experience, I have no doubt I would not be the person I am now, if I did not learn how to verbalise my thoughts. With this tool, to speak, confront, and translate emotions to words, I learnt ways to mend the relationships I hold dear, get what I want, and learn to say no. My quality of life significantly improved.

After university, I began a career in events management, and found a new talent – producing conferences – which trains you to speak to strangers of different professions and at multiple respectable levels. Yes, I have spoken to CEOs and Boards of Directors whom I’ve built trust with using nothing but words – usually little more than a single phone call. But I had to believe in the product, and I had to be confident and prepared. With experience, I learnt to use language as a way to influence. Which is why I decided to learn NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), as it's theory and strategies are profoundly effective. A good test of how language is powerful is this:

(Try this with someone):

Ask: How are you?

(Observe their reaction)

Now ask: What was your day like today?

You will notice that the answer to the first question will be a one-word answer, like fine, good, and emotionless. But the answer to question number 2, would be more detailed, and he/she will probably tell you a short story of what had happened to him/her. This is a great way to start a conversation with someone, and all you did was be more specific in your question.

Good news is, it is something you can learn.

Breaking barriers with Communication – for children and adults

SUKA Studio did a Communication Clinic at the Sekolah Kembangsaan Raja Alias 3, in Serting. The event consisted of more than 150 children ranging between the ages of 9 - 12. Vocabulary, grammar and sentence building were taught as part of the syllabus, as basic tools for communication. However, our utmost objective of this campaign was to create awareness on the power of communication. Realising that the most challenging part was to break through their segan. Which is why in our programmes we make sure, that each student has a turn to speak. And public speaking is not only a challenge for young children - but for experienced adults too.

To enroll your kids to SUKA Studio’s programmes, contact us here.


Anissa Nasirleader, skills, engl, con, workshop